Interlude: Loneliness

It has been a number of days since my last entry in the #WorkFromMotorcycle series. I promise to catch up. I have entries queued and ready with just editing and imagery left as the final puzzle pieces. There are a few reasons why I haven’t gotten to them. The first was, as I stated in the Day 4 post, I started actually working on the road. Full on meetings, deliverables, and the whole shebang. The second was that PAX (Penny Arcade Expo) came in a hurry and consumed me with four days of nerds, games, friends, music, and fun. The third was, is, loneliness.

I’ve always found myself lost in the crowd. On purpose for sure, but lost nonetheless. I take full credit and ownership for the things I believe in. The ideals I cling to. The choices I have made that have crafted my essence and forged who I am. I don’t drink. I don’t do drugs. I don’t party. I don’t want kids. I don’t walk a traditional spiritual path. I’m not cavalier with my emotions or my intimacy. There is much in this world that I let pass me by. I also believe there is much I get to see or feel that might be outside the experience of others.

I’m processing a lot on this journey. It is lonely out here. Not for lack of people to connect with. Things to see and do. Experiences to have. Lonely because I have removed myself from the world to a degree as I travel through it. I wrote this a long time ago and I feel it again now; connect with it like a thread tugging at me from the past saying “This. This is not resolved. Now is the time. I believe in you. I love you."

I like it here but I need someplace to go.
Someplace to grow.
Someplace beyond what I know
in the day to day flow
of my life.

I want noise and joy and busy life
surrounding me
and drowning me
in the hum of its movement.

I want quiet and solitude
and midnight hours enfolding me
and soothing me
with the peace of stillness.

I want faith in the loud life
and the soft life
and just in life in general.

I want a center that isn’t harder and harder
to hold on to as the days march by
and leave me standing at the side of the road,

Watching all the travelers move through their days
with fear and love,
with tears and smiles
and all the while
I’m waiting.

Waiting to fall in step and let my burden go
or walk away from the silent, lovely show.